How do I ask better questions?

I share with you what I've learnt so far in my practice of enquiry. This may be the start of an epic journey in the wonder filled walk of asking great questions.

Lately a number of people have shared with me how they appreciate the thoughtful questions I ask.

It is such a blessing to hit forty and to receive such encouragement, because those previous decades have been filled with much mis-spent frivolity and foolishness!

I really appreciated this encouraging and wonder-ful question I received from a delegate at a conference:

They appreciated the questions I asked during the question times, and they wanted to learn how they could do the same.

So I got excited.

Here’s what I shared.

My answer (version 1)

So I got excited and I shared a little about what I had learnt.

When I say little I said probably too much.

Over about 10min I told them my story, my professional experience as an engineer (problem solver), incident investigator, team leader, father, business coach now.

My new friend listened patiently, then thanked me for my answer.

Why did I suck at answering that question?

On reflection, I realised 40% of my answer was waffle and was for me.

Since then, I’ve wrestled with doubts along the lines of…

• “Was I actually helpful to that person?”

• “Do I really know what I am talking about?”

• “What will I say if I’m asked again?”

I realised how much I care about the curiosity of those who ask that question.

So today I mapped out the answer in picture form and realised that space is BIG.

In fact, that space is infinite.

And wonder-ful.

How do I ask better questions (version 2)?

Here’s my elevator answer, version 2.

This is what I would say to my friend, to be more respectful of her curiosity and time:

“Thanks for asking such a great question! Right now, I have this to offer you:

1. I’d consider the person asking and the other persons in the room,

2. I’d consider the place and my place in the conversation,

3. I’d consider the process of formulating a good question that best serve the people in that place,

4. I’d refine the practice of enquiry when I have some space to reflect.

5. Was that helpful for you?

Before you go, I want you to know your question is so wonderful that I have started writing a newsletter to explore more about it. Would you like to join us on the journey?”

The next question

How does this help you in asking better questions?

You encourage me with comments and feedback if this helps you on your walk.

A look down the road

How big is the question: “How do I ask better questions”?

And in the spirit of infinity and abundance I decided to post this picture before I felt it was “complete” enough. Here are some starting steps of what I discovered.